


What You're Never Supposed to Know

by Anonymous



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, One Shot, Only Mondo really thinks it is, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Pre-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sleepovers, This was meant to be a bit of a character study of Mondo and his relationship w/ Taka, either works tbh, sorry if this is bad i wrote this at like 12 am and barely proof read it, this dude be pining so hard for his best friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: With his best friend fast asleep, Mondo has a few things he wants to get off his chest.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka & Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 306
Collections: Anonymous





	What You're Never Supposed to Know

“A-ha!  _ That’s _ how I solve you, ya piece of shit!” The biker triumphantly whispered to his booklet.    
  


Mondo ignored how weird it was to talk to a math problem on his homework like it was a person, in favor of feeling prideful at the fact that he finally figured out a problem on his homework that frustrated him to hell and back for the past hour. Though he immediately remembered he needed to keep his mouth capped.

Normally, it would take far less time when he would be getting tutored by Kiyotaka, but unfortunately, his kyoudai was occupied by something much more important. Getting a good night’s sleep, resting on the headboard of Mondo’s bed. He had drifted off a while back, apparently exhausted to the point that his textbook was still laying on his lap, with his knees folded underneath him. Mondo frowned as he looked at him from his desk. While he knew Taka could be a heavy sleeper, that couldn’t be a comfortable way to sleep.

With a heavy sigh, Mondo got up and towards his bed, leaving his unfinished homework to be completed in the morning. Without Kiyotaka to explain it in a way that was familiar to him, it was only going to frustrate him the rest of the night. Bending down at the side of the bed his best friend is resting on, Mondo gently put his arms underneath his back and thighs, lifting him high enough to move his legs from below him. He ignored the dull pounding in his rib-cage as he briefly felt the warmth of his friend in his arms. He let out a small exhale as he set him down again. No one would have expected the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader to handle anything with any sort of care. But to be fair, neither did Mondo.

But that was just one of the many things he’d come to learn about himself over the course of his time at Hope’s Peak. 

  
  


Once he was sure Kiyotaka wasn’t sleeping awkwardly anymore, he noticed the prefect shift slightly, relaxing into the headboard with his cheek. Mondo initially mused at the idea of carrying him back to his own bed. It wasn’t a far walk - their rooms were right next to each other, after all. But as Kiyotaka lightly clutched Mondo’s blankets in a relaxed grip, it seemed he was more comfortable enough to simply stay in Mondo’s room. Which was good, because the _last_ thing Mondo wanted was to rouse him up from a well-deserved rest after slaving away on homework for so long, on top of helping Mondo’s dumb ass.

“Oof,” Mondo exhaled, flopping on his usual side of the bed with a thump. Slightly worried he woke Kiyotaka up, he looked over. Nope, still out cold. Good.

“Hey, kyoudai.”

It was a simple test. If Kiyotaka made any sort of movement, Mondo would just apologize for waking him, and they both would go to sleep. But he didn’t. His face was just as relaxed as it was seconds prior. It gave him a weird sort of confidence to keep talking. 

He took in a deep breath.

“I’m glad you’re not awake to hear me talking to ya. You deserve the sleep, bro.” Something about that last word made his stomach twist in cruel irony.

“...I know you don’t like when I keep things from ya. But...I don’t know how you’d react if I  _ did _ tell ya.” If he would grimace in revulsion, or cry tears of joy. If he would let him down gently, or reject him brutally. If he would try to keep things how they used to be, or cut Mondo out of his life completely. 

The sheer amount of “if”s is what prevents him from telling Kiyotaka this with his eyes open at the moment. If he ever will.

He sucks in a deep breath.

“I like you.”

Three simple words, said by Mondo without any hint of nervousness, doubt, or fear. Normally he would be shouting with how tactless he is, but since the words won’t reach Kiyotaka in his unconscious state, he said them much more calmly. Resigned, almost.

Maybe it's because he’ll finally be able to move on, if he keeps talking like this.

“Ever since I met ya, you’ve flipped my world upside down. Even when we hated each other. Even when I was a total fucking  _ asshole  _ to ya. You never backed down, and you’ve never been scared of me.”

He looked over at the prefect, his face turned away from the lamp on Mondo’s nightstand. But Mondo could see him clearly. How his normally intense expression softened into a rare sight of relaxation, that Mondo knew he was one of few to see. He looked so calm, composed. Like a prince. 

“-And I always thought you were some sort of uptight, perfect... _prefect_. Just another uppity prick that would rub it into my face daily that I’d never amount to shit.”

Mondo used to hate the color white. Whenever he wore it, it would always stain. Maybe because the white jacket his brother wore was stained pink when he died. Maybe it was because it was a metaphor for his life, in a way. No matter how much he cleans it, it’s always bound to get dirty again.

That’s why he despised Kiyotaka at first. His uniform was pristinely, spotlessly  _ white _ . He assumed that his clothes were always like that, from the day he got them. 

“But you weren’t. You were given just as many hard cards in life as I got. And despite that, you came out so much different than me.” 

Maybe it was those very differences that made Mondo realize his own feelings. Opposites attract, as the saying goes. When Mondo thinks about how they complement each other. How Taka ignites a passion within him, encouraging him to bring out his potential in everything he does, finding the worth within Mondo that he couldn’t even see within himself. 

And Mondo hopes it works the same in reverse as well. 

“I ain’t taking all the credit, but seeing you finally have fun, enjoying things outside of textbooks and crap...Learning how to make friends outside of Makoto and me…”

He couldn’t voice how it felt to see Kiyotaka smile after he just got out of his first rollercoaster ride when they visited the amusement park together. Or how his heart flutters when he thinks about listening to Kiyotaka sing,  _ really sing _ , at karaoke with the rest of his classmates. Thanks to Sayaka encouraging him to pick songs outside of the school’s anthem, Mondo, unfortunately, found out that Kiyotaka can sing really, really well. Well enough for Mondo to think about it as he went to sleep that night, and several days afterward.

“...It made me realize just how good a guy you really are, Kiyotaka. Even if you’re a major dork.”

It felt weird to say his full name out loud, after years of calling him either “Taka” or “Kyoudai”. Feels strangely intimate, as if he’s trying to make sure Kiyotaka will have no room for doubt about all these things Mondo’s saying about him. He’s always too harsh on himself.

“...And I know, sometimes, you think you don’t deserve to be happy. Like it’s just something you just... _ work _ towards, but never actually get. Sorta like getting the prize before you actually beat the game.” 

He catches himself staring at Kiyotaka’s closed eyes, before moving them to look at his spiky dark hair instead. Paranoid that if he stared at them long enough, it’d somehow jostle him awake. Mondo rests his head on his arm.

“Wanna know how I know that, huh?” He asked the prefect a question he knew he wouldn’t be able to answer.  “...Because I think like that every day of my life.”

  
  


Lying about the circumstances of Daiya’s death weighed heavily on his conscience. It tears him up inside, telling slanderous falsities about his saint of a brother who’s only flaw was believing that saving a sack of shit like Mondo would have been worth it. But the gang was Daiya’s happiness, so Mondo thought he could forget about his own in favor of preserving it.

  
  


“But you’re not like me.” 

  
  


And Mondo meant it. 

  
  


“You’re an amazing man, Taka. You deserve to be happy. And you… make me feel like I could be the same.”

Normally he’d hate sounding so corny, but it was nothing but the truth. It was his encouragement that helped push Mondo to forgo his talent in favor of learning how to become a carpenter. It may not be as grand as becoming something as important as Prime Minister, but at least Mondo can feel content that he’s creating, rather than destroying. He knows that through effort and perseverance, maybe he'll finally achieve it. 

Mondo pulled himself up, resting his back against the headboard, ready to call it a night and turn off his nightstand lamp. But before he does that…

“And I never,  _ never _ plan on telling ya all this when you’re awake, cuz I don’t wanna risk the gang finding out, or losing you forever, but…” 

He couldn't help but gently grip Kiyotaka’s open hand resting by his face. He didn’t so much as stir. Mondo won't admit to himself how much that fact hurts. 

“...I love you, man.” He finally whispered to his sleeping best friend. His words were more nervous than they had been since he had started talking to the prefect. As if he would even be awake to hear them. What a crock.

Mondo let out a sigh, released Taka’s hand, and turned the light off.

  
  


“And you’re never gonna know about it.”

  
  


Mondo should feel happy. He’s finally gotten the complicated feelings he’s been losing sleep over for the past few months off of his chest. He should feel content with the knowledge that his friend will probably never feel the same way, and find a wife that’ll be able to support him on his mission to become Prime Minister. 

He should feel acceptance that he’s never,  _ ever _ going to admit his feelings outside of this moment. The weight is lifted, and he’ll finally be able to sleep again.

So he closes his eyes. But not without feeling tears bud at the corner of his eyes, which he smothers with his pillow as he muffles a bitter curse of frustration. He’s turned away from Kiyotaka, unable to look at the object of his affections. Not without feeling his heart split in a way that feels much more painful than any of the other rejections he’s faced before. 

  
  


It isn’t long before he’s able to get lulled into a dreamless sleep. 

But what he doesn't know is that while Mondo closed his eyes, Kiyotaka opened his. Staring into his sleeping friend's back, he was now very much awake. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
